Dude I'm Not Gonna Lie,
This is gonna hurt you for a long time I had my father pass away two years ago and I still think about him everyday. This may be a bad example but I had been playing golf with my dad for my whole life and has never had a different playing partner and it took me a long tme to step on a course without him but I did and it did make become flooded with emotions but I knew my Dad would want me to play.
The loss of someone as close as a parent never leaves you but your Mom wouldn't want you to deprive yourself of a good time. It's not being a bad person if anything you should go have a good time too pay tribute to your Mom.
She will be looking down on you form that higher place enjoying every note Ax; hits with you.