a single mans perspective of the bar scene

[SouthernSleeze]

sorry if its not that great but i just started trying to write lyrics about 6 or 7 months ago i have a journal with random thoughts ideas yadda yadda yadda and this is the one that i think flows the best so... dont go to hard on me. but let me know if it sucks


single man

chourus
im just sittin here lookin at  a crack in the wall
not thinking of shit nothing at all
maybe i am mybe i aint
possibly thinking of the spirits i drank


could you tell me your name and age
bc when we leave here together
youll be the only one to blame

so give me some shots its gettin real hot and late
and i got this girl over here that im going to emancipate


chourus


thats so nice you were the same
as you were
not changing for no one
except for your girl

thats a mighty fancy car
but did you tell everyone that mom and dad
paid for the test for the bar
a long conversation on my brain cancer device
hope its all worth the trouble tonight

chourus

[RP88]

Some potential but could definitely use a lot of improvement

[SouthernSleeze]

what would you suggest

[Bach&Roses]

what would you suggest

one of you... should change your avatar 

[SouthernSleeze]

done

[ktallett]

the brain cancer bit reminds me of sucker train blues. dont know why but. could do with some improvement but has potential. some word changes are needed.

[Faxl]

Liking the chorus 

[Bach&Roses]

lyrics are useless, post the music

[polar]

sorry if its not that great but i just started trying to write lyrics about 6 or 7 months ago i have a journal with random thoughts ideas yadda yadda yadda and this is the one that i think flows the best so... dont go to hard on me. but let me know if it sucks


single man

chourus
im just sittin here lookin at  a crack in the wall
not thinking of shit nothing at all
maybe i am mybe i aint
possibly thinking of the spirits i drank


could you tell me your name and age
bc when we leave here together
youll be the only one to blame

so give me some shots its gettin real hot and late
and i got this girl over here that im going to emancipate


chourus


thats so nice you were the same
as you were
not changing for no one
except for your girl

thats a mighty fancy car
but did you tell everyone that mom and dad
paid for the test for the bar
a long conversation on my brain cancer device
hope its all worth the trouble tonight

chourus

terrible, you have no future in song writing

[SouthernSleeze]

thank you polar

[Breakdown619]

Its alrite but, its got something missing dude. Maybe try doing some music for it first and perhaps all the lyrics will just come after that?

[SouthernSleeze]

Its alrite but, its got something missing dude. Maybe try doing some music for it first and perhaps all the lyrics will just come after that?

yeah thats what ive been trying to do......like chorus is throwing me off. when i sing it or should i say try to sing it. it always comes out like im singin a jingle for a comercial thanks for the advice though illl keep working on it

[the_relic]

thank you polar

lmao!!! holy shit polar.


Anyways its not bad, Its a little bit under good.

[verorose]

don't know how it sounds in music, but imo the lyric isn't bad, 'cause is not banal (that's the main risk) and... I can feel what you're talking about in that ... or I guess..

[SouthernSleeze]

whats banal mean? im working on the music now

[GGS]

whats banal mean? im working on the music now

Banal = boring/ same old stuff.