The recent surprise by me of how with all that’s going on in the world the obsession with Tiger Woods infedility.On My recent trek to Philadelphia via the train I like usual was partaking in the complete absurdity which is the New York Post. (A paper I once heard described as “communist rag”) In this never,never land considered news by some, I briefly took notice of an article about a plane purposely crashing into a government building of the IRS,(Do not applaud I heard there was a death) now I only read a couple sentences of the article and quickly glanced at a couple of photos. My reasoning for my hurried interest you may ask? My wanting curiosity lied in an article of fantasy in which the New York Knicks had made cap room in the hope of acquiring Lebron James. Pure delusion I know. Any one that’s in what this transcription of nonsense starts to take form.
After the reading of the paper my travel had come to its conclusion. Being for the first time in Suburban Station I was unfamiliar with its layout. My consumption of too many cups of coffee made this a serious problem with my bowels being in wanting of relief. I searched high and low for the proper facility to make my deposit and after more time then I would of liked, I finally found a sign pointing me in the right direction. One problem though, in my rush I being a man had enter the facility for the opposite gender. That’s where I found her waiting with open arms for embrace to take me once again to some foreign land to witness the absurd.
Dorothy, the little old woman wearing her black robe with the letters of GAB embroidered in gold written upon the area of her left breast. There she was, the woman of what I gathered to be of Indian decent waiting as I clumsily ran into her arms receiving her embrace. And like the times of past when being touched by her I left this known world of ours to a place I can only describe as insane.
When she released me from her grasp I was standing on some city street in either Japan or China. Hell I don’t know it could have been Korea I’ve never been to any of them. I can tell you the area I was in reminded me of Times Square so maybe you know better then I.
The city was vibrant not only in the virtual world that made up its decor but also in the energy of the masses of people which buzzed around me. When I myself tried to enter into its flow I could not. I was stuck in place. I looked down to my guide of lesser size and met her gaze. She spoke one word “witness” and then she vanished in a puff of smoke.
I then took inventory of the high speed world around me. I watched as the people sped past in a frenzy with heads down occupied the devices of their choice. I’m talking about Blackberries, I-Pods, I-Pads, Game Boys, cell phones, and so on. I pondered as thousands crossed my path playing their miniature drums to what they considered to be the importance of their lives. Then without warning the marching band called self absorption, stopped as a jumbo tron of enormous size produced an image of a man. He started to speak as all watched and I being a foreigner in this land could not understand the language in which he spoke. But then in union the people started to chant the one word of “Tiger” over and over again.
I watched at the moment of his disappearance as the world returned to its frenzy but with the drumming of the little key pads and a chorus singing the word of “Tiger”. Faster and faster they walked making my head dizzy with the absence of their existence replaced by warped light in which made me fall to my knees and shut my eyes. The noise they made as they drummed and spoke in obsession reached such a high pitch I felt as though my ear drums were soon to be at a point of eruption. And when that moment came when I thought I couldn’t handle any more, again the world around came to a halt as they looked up to the sky behind me.
I looked up to the sky and witnessed what looked to be a large comet sized meatball all covered with cheese (sing it I know you want to) with trails of spaghetti tailing behind it falling out of the sky right toward the city. Myself and the population of the world around me stood in silence and watched this spectacle until…..
I heard the sound of ringing like that of the world’s last drug dealer’s pager going off. It was loud and consistent. Then in return and to my amazement the band started its beat again, drumming the key pads and singing the word of “Tiger”. This time the sound of their chanting did start the running of blood from my ears while the speed in which they past made the dizziness cause me to fall to my knees and vomit.
I then looked back up to the sky to see if maybe the meatball found another plate to land upon, but it had not. So I did all I could. I watched as the world buzzed ignoring the oncoming destruction while they were immersed in the total absorption of their world and that of the man they call Tiger. In pure puzzlement I witnessed as the meatball came a crashing sending me into the black and when the lights came back on I found myself once again in the wrong facilities with the need of relieving my bowels still the dominating factor of my existence.
The last thing a remember of the giant meatball? Marinara was every where.
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